Just who is Bob Dole?

Is he the bright-eyed war hero from Russell, Kansas? Or is he instead some nefarious demon from the outer reaches of our plane of existance?

Close examination of Bob Dole undeniably shows that he is not the person he claims to be. Examining his mannerisms and his speech patterns it's obvious that the Dole which may have once inhabited that corporeal shell is no longer present. It has been taken over by some unearthly soul for reasons that are unclear and may, in fact, be unknowable.

Notice, that Bob Dole often speaks about himself in the third person. "Bob Dole will win this election." "Bob Dole will eat his spleen." "Bob Dole will cut taxes." "Bob Dole is cranky without his nap." No normal person speaks this way. P. J. Smellicut of Dole's own Russell, Kansas has never heard anyone speak this way, either.

Now turn your attention to Dole's so-called injury of his right arm. Note that he doesn't use it. In fact, he uses his left arm for shaking hands and writing. Sinister? I think so.

You might be thinking that all of this sounds a little circumstantial; a little too easy. Well, you're right. That's because the truth is far more hideous than outlined above: Ross Perot is controlling Bob Dole.

The truth came to me in a flash while watching Sesame Street. There was Big Bird nattering on about "Mr. Looper" (a drug reference if I ever heard of one) and flapping his one good arm. That's when it struck me like a completed jigsaw puzzle.

Big Bird is played by the talented Carol Spinney. Mr. Spinney wears the 7 foot bird costume and wears Bird's left arm on his left arm. He controls Bird's mouth by reaching his right hand way up into the head. This leaves Big Bird's right arm nearly functionless-- just like Bob Dole.

It's a simple bit of logic to determine that Ross Perot is the man inside Bob Dole. Only Ross Perot had the motives and means to steal a man, hollow him out entirely and rig him up like Big Bird. Ross is also small enough to fit inside the empty husk of Bob Dole.

Interesting, I think, that his dog is named "Leader."

Have you ever seen Bob Dole and Ross Perot in the same place at the same time? Why do you think he was excluded from the presidential debates?

We may never know how long this manipulation has gone on, and we certainly never know what insane, power-hungry motive led Perot to be Gepetto to Dole's Pinocchio.

Think about it.