popplers

Mayday! Mayday!

So glad that the electrical fires in Harvard Square didn't happen yesterday— I can just imagine the headlines… Flaming Morris dancers everywhere! Oh, the humanity!

(WCVB has video footage of the flames shooting out of the manhole covers. It's impressively scary. This is a stone's throw from where the maypole crowd gathered yesterday.)

Look sharp!

Alert fashionista Elke calls our attention to His Holiness's fab footwear. I had no idea, but apparently that is how the Pope rolls.

(Now, if Build-a-Bear started selling the shoes, I would totally buy a pair for Benjamin.)

Boston is hopping this week

Boston is hosting the AARP Convention this week. 25,000 people, Tony Bennett, Richard Simmons, and a giant inflatable colon: good times!

Hurry up-- the gnomes are getting lonely.

Just wanted to share two articles on Ig Nobel laureate Don Featherstone and the future of the pink plastic lawn flamingo.

[...] now that the original design will be made in New York, the city of Leominster is trying to keep its flamingo legacy alive, despite the demise of Union Products.

At a June 23 community celebration that coincides with the 50th anniversary of the Featherstone flamingo, civic activists plan to unveil what they call an "environmentally friendly" flamingo made from recycled plastic and sporting a new, more cuddly look, said Mayor Dean Mazzarella.

Something in the water

Animal weirdness in the news: trifecta complete!

• You just can't make this $%^& up: Man fined for tossing pig at hotel.
  
• From our neighbors across the pond: Sheep sex immigrant caged (with absolutely hysterical pics).
  
• Woman helps rescue (500 lb.!) pig on interstate. (That, my friends, is a lot of bacon.)

Flamingo migration

Sad news for pink flamingo fans: Leominster's Union Products will be closing November 1st. (They plan to sell Don Featherstone's molds to another manufacturer, so the flamingo may yet live on.)

Tangentially related silliness: modeling our bubble-wrap outwear and proudly displaying our pink flamingos (signed by Don Featherstone himself) at the 2000 Ig Nobel Ceremony.

Celebrate (Inter)National Thylacine Day

Boing Boing calls our attention to Thylacine Day. Sadly, the last captive Tasmanian Tiger died 70 years ago today. It's been a year since the Australian Museum restarted their cloning project; I wonder how they're faring.

Wouldn't doctors be better?

Today's out-of-context headline is brought to you by the Boston Globe: China tries using clowns in hospitals.

Repent! Lest you, too, taste the wrath of… the Were-Rabbit!

Via BBC News: Enormous rabbit terrorizes Northumberland gardens.

Grower Jeff Smith, 63, said: "This is no ordinary rabbit. We are dealing with a monster. It is absolutely massive. I have seen its prints and they are huge, bigger than a deer. It is a brute of a thing."

Mr Smith, who has kept an allotment for 25 years, added: "We have two lads here with guns who are trying to shoot it, but it is clever. They never see it. There were big rabbits in the 1950s and 1960s before pesticides were introduced, but not like this."

Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!
Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?
Sir Robin: You mangy Scots git!
Tim: I'm warning you!
Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?
Tim: He's got huge, sharp… er… He can leap about. Look at the bones!

3 things that hurt my brain today

In the order in which I read them:

• Via No soap, radio: Conservative Jews object to anti-semitism at White Supremacy conference. Ow. Ow. Ow.
  
• Via boston.com: Chicago schools require all students to pass driver's education class, even if they are blind. Gih. <fumbles for Excedrin, takes 2 tablets>
  
• Via fark.com: Guess what "United States entity" Dubai Ports World is considering selling its U.S. operations to? Hint: It starts with an "H" and rhymes with "Palliburton." <Downs entire bottle, continues beating head against desk.>

Lies, damn lies, and statistics

Interesting follow-up on the Simpsons vs. First Amendment freedoms poll: careful analysis of the statistics, and how they were perceived/ spun by the media.

Free the Springfield Five!

OK— no peeking. Name all five of the freedoms upheld by the First Amendment. Did you? (I confess: I could only come up with four.)

According to a recent telephone survey of 1,000 Americans, only one was able to name all five First Amendment freedoms. Only 25% of the respondents could name more than one freedom. 22% of Americans could name all five Simpson characters, and more than 50% could name at least two characters.

The one that I couldn't remember? Freedom to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Don't you worry 'bout me!

Homeland Security: protecting you from pornography and infringing upon your civil liberties:

Two uniformed men strolled into the main room of the Little Falls library in Bethesda one day last week and demanded the attention of all patrons using the computers. Then they made their announcement: The viewing of Internet pornography was forbidden.

The men looked stern and wore baseball caps emblazoned with the words "Homeland Security." The bizarre scene unfolded Feb. 9, leaving some residents confused and forcing county officials to explain how employees assigned to protect county buildings against terrorists came to see it as their job to police the viewing of pornography. […]

Listened to this I drove to work this morning: Don't Worry About The Government.

[…] I see the states, across this big nation
I see the laws made in Washington, D.C.
I think of the ones I consider my favorites
I think of the people that are working for me

Some civil servants are just like my loved ones
They work so hard and they try to be strong
I'm a lucky guy to live in my building
They own the buildings to help them along […]

A moment of silence for Bert the Turtle

I just read that Ray Mauer died. He wrote the script for the 1951 film Duck and Cover, featuring Bert the Turtle and a passel of kids diving below their desks during an atomic attack. CONELRAD.COM offers some excellent background info, including the production history and a 2003 interview with Mr. Mauer.

He apparently lived in Stratford, CT, where I grew up, and died in Bridgeport Hospital, where I was born. I'm James Burke, and this is Connections.

Yep, I'm going to hell:

I laughed at a man's suicide attempt today.

Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

Where can I get me some of those?

I was looking at the BBC News Day in Pictures feature, where I came across a picture of Prince Harry on an army exercise, all camo-ed up and looking very G.I. Joe (2nd photo in the series). According to the caption, he "announced he is to join the Blues and Royals regiment of the Household Cavalry." Which got me thinking, how cool would it be to have a Household Cavalry? After you'd had an exceptionally fabulous dinner party with lots of guests, you could call in the Cavalry and they'd load the dishwasher, take out the trash, rinse out all the empties and put them in the bin, clean the red wine stains off the carpet, vacuum up the crumbs, and any other tedious post-soirée housework.

Or if you spent the whole day baking cookies for Christmas and the kitchen was a disaster and you didn't want to cook dinner— call in the Household Cavalry! I wonder if there is a waiting list (to be served by them, that is; I'm sure that there isn't a waiting list to join). It would be like having kitchen fairies, only much more butch.

And next the men of the Second Armoured Division regale us with their famous close order swanning about…

Now that's just cold.

Record-breaking temperatures in Europe: you know it's cold when you have to bring your penguins inside.

At the zoo in Dresden, Germany, 21 Humboldt penguins were moved from their -21 C (-6 F) outdoor environment and into a building where the temperature was a more comfortable zero C (32 F) to ensure their feet didn't freeze, zoo director Karl Ukena said.

Swedish gnomes

Maybe they just needed some time to commune with nature.

Twelve garden gnomes kidnapped in western Sweden a month ago have been found in a snowy forest, standing in a ring beside a lighted bonfire and a small hut, Swedish news agency TT reported.

"It looked very cozy," Bo Larsson, a police officer in the town of Kil, near Karlstad, told TT on Friday.

The gnomes mysteriously vanished from their gardens just before Christmas. […]

p.s. This is the 500th post for the new (foamtotem era) popplers.

Have you seen this chicken?

Slightly longer article, with more info on Toga, the missing penguin.

[…] Toga, a baby jackass penguin, is missing, believed stolen from his home in a zoo on the Isle of Wight. Because Toga is still reliant on his mother, Kyala, for a daily diet of regurgitated fish, he may die if not reunited with her by Christmas.

Meanwhile, Kyala and her mate, Oscar, unable to comprehend what has happened to their offspring, are restlessly trundling around their enclosure, going in and out of other nestboxes in a vain search for Toga. […]

What is this world coming to?!

Penguin-nappers!

Penguins with personal trainers

BBC News headline: Japan zoo walks portly penguins.

[…] Penguins at a zoo in northern Japan have been taken on their first walk of the season in an attempt to keep them trim during the winter.

Asahiyama Zoo on the northern island of Hokkaido take its King Penguins on a 500-metre walk twice a day to stop them getting too fat during the cold months. […]

Eat, Poppa— nobody likes a skinny penguin.

Marsupials gettin' it onnnn.

Wombat love: more amusing than I realized.

A complicated dance, a bite on the rump and ferocious backward kicks are all part of the wombat's lovemaking repertoire, a new study has revealed.

Until recently, there were no recorded observations of mating between wombats.

But the director of Nocturnal Wildlife Research Ltd, biologist Clive Marks, found wombats were more likely than the average Aussie male to emulate moves from the Kama Sutra. […]

The final sentence in the article cracks me up: Mr Marks says he hopes his study will solve the sloth-like image problem of the common wombat, making the furry marsupials "the symbol of Australian male sexual virility".

Grateful panda

Maybe it's just me, but every time I look at this panda cub pic, I think he's lighting up.

Just for the Halibut

I am somewhat relieved to find that not all weird news originates in Troy, NY. The land that brought us baked beans on toast, The Smiths, and Monty Python's fish-slapping dance also gives us today's headline: Attacker struck passer-by with fish he wouldn't kiss.

[…] Mr MacGregor said: "The accused asked the complainer 'Do you want to kiss my fish?'

"Mr Bennie made no reply and walked on, at which point the accused said: 'You answer me next time I ask you to kiss a fish', and slapped him round the face with it."

The attack caused reddening and left fish scales sticking to the victim's cheek. Police were called and apprehended Evans nearby. He admitted the offence. […]

Panda quickies

• Giant Panda Culture Festival
• Panda centenarian
• Panda tickets
• Pleistocene panda
• Panda cam

Chopper run

Hard to believe, but it seems like the Capital District has gotten even weirder since I left.

It's hard to figure where city resident Joe Amash might have made his first mistake.

Was it in using an allegedly stolen debit card to buy $500 worth of groceries at a Central Avenue Price Chopper on Aug. 24?

Using his own Advantage card to get deeper discounts?

Getting caught on the store's videotape arguing with a check-out clerk about being overcharged?

Or could it have been the alibi that had grand jurors and police in hysterics that he got the stolen KeyBank Mastercard in a trade with a one-legged man in a bar for a bag of marijuana? […]

I think today is weird news day

Or perhaps every day is weird news day.

• Those Wacky Japanese (#8,174 in a series): Cute Japanese girls from J-pop band morning musume, inexplicably wearing meat on their heads in the presence of a carnivorous lizard. Mayhem ensues. That is all.
• Those Wacky Japanese (#8,175 in a series): the stocking stuffer that is sure to be on every woman's Christmas wish list: hooter heaters. "The bra has special pads filled with an eco-friendly gel that can be easily heated in a microwave or with a hot water bottle."
• Dog bites man: not news. Man bites dog: news. Man stuffs roast chicken down his pants, bites store manager's arm: just plain fucked-up.
• Signs of the Coming Apocalypse: Home Spa Book for Dogs. Excerpt from the book description on Amazon.com: In this fun, informative handbook, you can easily learn how to treat your pet as well as you should. From tips on grooming, massage, and even canine yoga, The Home Spa Book for Dogs instructs you in the many ways of keeping your dog healthy and happy. Canine yoga. Riiiight.

Varmints in the news

Forget avian flu— what about squirrel-pox?!

Red squirrels, immortalized by British children's author Beatrix Potter as the engaging, nut-obsessed "Squirrel Nutkin," were once common in gardens and woodlands across Britain before coming under threat from the grey variety, which steals the reds' food and carries the squirrel-pox virus.

Well, I feel much safer now. Public health info on squirrel pox from Michigan, where they apparently eat the little buggers:

The carcasses of affected animals are safe for human consumption, since current knowledge indicates the virus is not transmissible to man. Furthermore, the tumors are confined to the skin and are removed when the animal is skinned.

Shouldn't that be ursine distemper?

Poor panda.

Touched by his noodly appendage

Today's ancient Chinese secret: 4,000 year old noodles. I'm sure that they taste better than 1,000 year old eggs (not that I've ever had one).

Now that's just mean.

If there's any justice, the kid will develop heat-vision and make his parents pay.

Maybe it's because you're a bunch of asshats

From today's Boston Globe, with the headline, In Northeast, Minuteman Project finding few takers:

[…] Co-founder Chris Simcox says simply, "People on the East Coast couldn't care less." […]

Now the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps plans to launch in New York, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine on Oct. 1, but so far, Simcox says, no border residents are helping. […]

"We've seen some aggressive opposition in the New York area," Simcox said during a phone interview. "It's a sign that terrorism is alive and well in this country." […]

Ahoy!

Pirate Quickies:

• Today be the day!
  
• Test yer scurvy knowledge!
  
• Yaaar!

Toscanini's, look out!

I think I've found my dream job: serving homemade, organic, gourmet ice cream from a custom-decorated truck. Chris made a batch of Mexican Chocolate ice cream last night (chocolate, cinnamon, chilli, chopped almonds, Kahlua)— it would fit right in with the offerings. Plus, the name Morfudd is just so damn cool!

[…] So far, so different, but do the public like the most important ingredient - the ice cream itself? On offer the day we go out (as in all good restaurants, the menu changes daily) is a challenging selection including coconut sorbet, pineapple and chilli, and beetroot and blood orange. For stressed parents, there's cantuccini - an almond biscuit dipped in vin santo ice cream and sherry. "One taste and you're in Amalfi," says Morfudd [Richards]. […]

Where is Hothead Paisan when you really need her?

Anyone who tries to put me in a cow-shed is going to experience internal injuries. You have been warned.

Thath groth, mubber.

Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Forget sharks and jellyfish and poisonous snakes— keep the tongue-eating bug the hell away from me. Gih.

To combat that mental image, go look at these polar bears. Awww, polar bears.

Yep, that pretty much nails it

Defective Yeti reports all the news that's fit to print:

BUSH BRINGS MUCH NEEDED HUGS, FROWNY FACES TO NEW ORLEANS

BELEAGUERED CITY'S DEPLETED SUPPLY OF PLATITUDES ALSO REPLENISHED

President reassures horrified nation: "Trent Lott's home will be rebuilt."

Baffling.

Worst. Sentence Construction. Ever.

After decades in some cases, the ten known victims of the infamous BTK serial killer, now known to be 60-year-old Wichita, Kansas dog control officer and local church president Dennis Rader, will have the opportunity to speak for those who can no longer speak for themselves, Rader's victims.

(I should know better than to read MSNBC.)

Compare her face with some that I shall show

And I will make thee think thy swan a crow…

New York has gay penguins; we have Juliet and Juliet, the lesbian swans.

''If these two swans are happy together, they shouldn't have to have a guy," said Emma Stokien, a 15-year-old from New York. ''It's good to have the swans as a symbol of the acceptance in Massachusetts."

p.s. The Daily Show bit on the gay penguins is one of their funniest reports of all time.

Microcebus lehilahytsara

Sometimes, when I am truly irritated by the world around me, I Google for pictures of puppies. I look at the puppies until that pulsating forehead vein subsides a little. (This is how I keep from developing "Intermittent Explosive Disorder.")

In the spirit of channeling the web's calming, restorative powers, I bring you this story about two new species of lemurs. Awwww, lemurs. There, don't you feel better?

Feelin' anemic

The Globe had a local news story with this headline: American Red Cross offers concert tickets in blood drive.

MANCHESTER, N.H. -- Blood donors to the American Red Cross in five New England states could win tickets to a Rolling Stones concert at Fenway Park.

People who donate blood for two weeks starting Thursday will be entered into a drawing for a pair of tickets to the band's Aug. 23 concert at the historic ballpark in Boston.

Man, that is a looong time to donate blood.

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I am surrounded by dwarves

I'm at work. That's the only reason that I'm not screaming right now:

Bush endorses 'intelligent design'

Contends theory should be taught with evolution

WASHINGTON — President Bush waded into the debate over evolution and ''intelligent design" yesterday, saying schools should teach both theories on the creation and complexity of life. […]

Science is the great antidote to the poison of enthusiasm and superstition.
— Adam Smith (1723-90) Scottish economist. The Wealth of Nations, 1776.

Because I like to be good and angry before I go to bed

It's not like I had any shortage of reasons to hate Senator Rick Santorum, but Brian McGrory's recent column just drives the point home.

p.s. Don't look up "santorum" in the Urban Dictionary.

Invasive exotics. Invasive exotics.

After reading an article in today's Globe, I am pretty sure that the mutant bamboo that is taking over the corner of the schoolyard and our dead-end street is Japanese Knotweed. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there is any way to get rid of it. (I do wonder if this gadget would do the trick.) Also, invasive.org has more info and pictures.

Ding!

Ken Jennings is worried about TiVo addiction; watches Iron Chef, Daily Show, The Office, Simpsons.

I can't wait for his new game show on Comedy Central— where do I sign up to be a contestant?

Completely mental

Via bOING bOING: TSA in(s)anity on parade. Dallas-Fort Worth screeners tell Minneapolis lawyer that his $300 Audi ignition key is a switchblade, confiscate it. Unbelievable.

Like shooting fish in a barrel

I realize that his name makes this all too easy, but the headline still slays me: Cardinal Sin: your tributes. I'm thinking that there will be some very special tributes to Cardinal Sin, tonight on the Spice channel.

This headline is a close second: Arroyo: Sin a great liberator. I've always thought so.

Northway news

It looks like I-87 has reopened, at least somewhat.

Albatross!

I've heard of (and eaten, once) shark's fin soup, but freeze-dried penguins?

(I keep picturing John Cleese, from the Albatross sketch, saying "It's bloody seabird-flavoured!")

Warrensburg in the news

While searching for new info on the washed-out Northway (seems like they're still hoping that the repairs will be completed within a week), I came across this nominee for the Darwin Awards.

Moa info

I just like saying moa.

Yikes!

More details (with pix) of the flood aftermath in the ADKs. (Original story from Monday has map, but no photos.)

A little less conversation, a little more action

Ohmigod, I can't believe that we're missing the Lake George Elvis Festival!

You can't get thar from here

Hmm… Getting to Twin Trees may be problematic: mudslide forces closure of I-87 between exits 23 and 25.

End of days

Hostile grackles. Hostile grackles. Hostile grackles. (I wish that I could have witnessed it.)

Banana split

Interesting (to me) New York Times article on multiracial demographics:

"Most Asians perceive me as white, and most whites perceive me as Asian," said Derrick Pfeffer, 21, who is Chinese and white and founded the Multiracial Biracial Student Association at the University of Maryland two years ago. As a result, he said, his white friends are surprised that he's extroverted and outspoken because it counters the Asian stereotype. His Asian friends are surprised when he speaks Mandarin and talks about Chinese family gatherings because they think of him as white. No matter what he does, he said, "people won't completely embrace you."

Premature senility

Ah, so that explains it. (At least now I have an excuse.)

Follow-up: Not to worry. It appears that it's really a load of marketing hooey.

Gnome invasion

She's got good aim, you have to admit.

UPDATE: CNN offers this questionably worded headline: Woman beats off burglar with gnome. (The sad part is that I'm sure that someone's into that.)

Giant Octopus! Giant Octopus!

Ah, motherhood: Aurora the Octopus lives to see her eggs hatch into cute little mini-Cthulhus.

"Right now the newly hatched octopuses are being fed every hour by electronic, automatic feeder," says Ed DeCastro, Alaska SeaLife Center aquarist. "The octopuses are on a diet of two types of copepods and ground-up krill." Mmm… copepods.

The Alaska SeaLife Center web page has lots of pix, and a link to a .wmv movie that I can't get to work.

Hybrid vigor - update

The Wired articles on Toyota's hybrids and testing and rating the top hybrids are now available online.

Troy news

Asshats vandalize Uncle Sam's grave.

Hybrid vigor

The newly-arrived April 2005 issue of Wired has an article on Toyota's hybrids, as well as reviews of the current offerings from Toyota, Honda, Lexus, etc. But I want a cool hybrid. I can't afford a Venturi Fétish (and the name brings to mind pervy physics profs and their kinky Bernoulli principles). I like the mini-Miata (ibuki ibuki ibuki), but I love the Subaru B9 Scrambler. This was a concept car in Fall 2003, and Googling only brings up this monstrosity (which isn't even a hybrid!).

My message to the automakers, especially Subaru: Bring on the cute roadster hybrids! I'm ready, and I've got my checkbook out. (All-wheel drive makes it even better.)

Here's to old RPI…

20-year-old RPI student (and Phi Mu brother) becomes youngest-ever winner of the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament. Congratulations, Tyler!

For great justice

Today's Paragon City News headline: Federal Judge Dismisses Claims and Strikes Allegations in Marvel Lawsuit Against NCsoft.

Makers of City of Heroes online computer game score favorable decision; judge labels Marvel allegations as “false and sham” and throws out trademark claims

LOS ANGELES, March 11, 2005—A U.S. district court judge in Los Angeles dismissed several key claims by comic book publisher Marvel Enterprises, Inc in the company’s trademark and copyright infringement case against online computer game publisher NCsoft® Corporation and game developer Cryptic Studios™. Marvel sued NCsoft and Cryptic Studios in November of last year, claiming that the City of Heroes® online computer game allows players to imitate comic book characters owned by Marvel. […]

Now let's get back to "defeating" villains!

This sounds like a Gary Larson cartoon

Chicken feet, no problem. But boneless chicken feet?

(BTW, here's a recipe for Golden Phoenix Claws. You gotta love a recipe where the instructions begin: Wash feet, chop off toenails and cut into quarters.)

snrk

Bad cop, no doughnut.

84!

Happy birthday, Abe Vigoda!

As of this moment, I am relieved to learn that Mr. Vigoda is still alive. (Note: abevigoda.com works under IE, but doesn't seem to play well with Firefox. However, Firefox users can avail themselves of Bob Vesterman's AbeVigodaStatus extension, which displays Abe's alive/dead status in the browser's status bar. His developer notes amused me.)

Foamy time machine bonus: One fish, two fish…

Ave et Vale

Via Neil Gaiman: Jack Chalker's obituary. I met him in passing at least once (at a Worldcon, I think). Many moons ago, I remember searching out the Well of Souls books; Snuffy was reading them and we were trying to fill in the gaps at used bookstores.

The always-useful Wikipedia offers a short bio and a handy bibliography.

I <3 j00, continued

It's not just the Hindus, apparently. Yahoo! News reports: Saudi Morality Police See Red Over Valentine Roses

[…] Valentine's Day, or the "Feast of Love" in Arabic, is beyond the pale in a country where women must cover themselves from head to toe in public and be accompanied by a male guardian.

"For the last week, we've had no red in the shop," said Ahmed, a flower shop manager. "You can't even have red cards."

Despite the prohibition, demand for the banned roses has been strong and unofficial business was booming, Ahmed said. […]

O.J.'s still free, but…

DNA testing has positively identified the biological parents of Baby 81, a.k.a. Abilash Jeyarajah. Two months ago, 8 women claimed to be his mother.

[…] Last week police took the baby 180 miles away to a laboratory in Colombo to carry out the DNA tests. Today the courts confirmed the results.

Mrs Jeyarajah said that as soon as she gets her son back, she will fulfil vows to smash 100 coconuts at a temple of the Hindu god, Ganesh, offer sweet rice to the warrior god, Murugan, and kill a rooster for the goddess Kali. […]

That sounds so much more impressive than saying a novena.

Headlines that mystify

I dare you to parse this: Underwater gnome threat 'returns'. (And what's with the single quote emphasis around the word 'returns'?)

Best quote: "Pc Kenny McMahon, a member of the North West Police Underwater Search Unit, said the gnomes were well known among the diving community."

I <3 j00

Who knew Valentine's Day could be so divisive? Hindu hardliners burn Valentine cards

[…] Jai Bhagwan Goyal, New Delhi chief of the Bombay-based Shiv Sena, said multinational companies were promoting Valentine's Day to earn money through the sale of cards and posters.

"This is against Hindu culture and corrupts India's youth," he said. […]

(On a tangent: the more I stare at the word "divisive," the more sure I am that I've spelled it wrong. I think it's the palindromic center, "visiv," that makes it look so weird. (On a separate tangent: where can I find chocolates with a creamy palindromic center?))

And, on a more humorous note, The Onion presents Love Coupons! Samples: "One dinner at restaurant with silverware"; "Five minutes of open, honest conversation before the wall of denial and deception slams back down forever."

Goddag på dig!

You can't make this $#%^ up: German "gay" penguins spark protest.

[…] He said the zoo concluded the penguins might be gay after seeing male penguins trying to mate with other males and trying to hatch offspring out of stones.

German media reported that female Swedish penguins would be brought to the zoo to test the theory, but when word got out about the plan, the phones started ringing. […]

Beavis and Butthead write more headlines

I'm having another "low threshold of humor" day. The Boston.com Arts & Entertainment section touts its Valentine's Guide ("Check for dining out ideas, getaways, and ideas for singles."). I'll bet there are a lot of singles out there who can't wait to check out the Free Wang movie screening.

Wow, what a week.

Things without which I could not have survived this week:

• Arisia, Shaolin Soccer, and Samurai Champloo
  
• Back-Saver snow shovel and studded Hakkapeliittas
  
• City of Heroes (yay, 60k debt! I *&^%ing hate Crey's Folly), the n00b l33tsp34k email thread, and P1r4t3s 0f Teh C4r1bb34n: Teh Curs3 0f teh Bl4ck P34rl
  
• lovely Christmas gift of a shopping bag filled with all kinds of goodies from Trader Joe's
  
• The Onion, mimi smartypants, and Spamusement!
  
• Waaay too much coffee, Pacific Soup at Yoong Tong, and Chris's special homemade macaroni & cheese
  Posted by rv at 04:16 PM | Comments (0)

Where's that Boomtown Rats CD?

Alert reader Bob M. warns that January 24th (Monday) is the worst day of the year.

[…] [Dr. Arnalls's] formula for the day of misery reads 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA.

Where W is weather, D is debt - minus the money (d) due on January's pay day - and T is the time since Christmas.

Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit, M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to take action and do something about it.[…]

Great headline

Via Clue Fairy's husband: Poll: Nation split on Bush as uniter or divider.

Next up, a rain of frogs!

Huge iceberg runs aground, wreaks havoc. Penguins in danger!

Jumbo squid! Jumbo squid! Oceanography professor: "These things are invading, and we don't know what's going on." (I, for one, welcome our new squid overlords.)

I love the '90s, Part Duh

Once again, it looks like The Onion was right: club-goers re-experience the '90s at NYC's Nerveana.

Robert Thompson, professor of media and popular culture at Syracuse University, says the '90s revival is premature, yet he understands the new club's appeal.

"The nostalgia cycle is already cannibalistic to the point where we're getting nostalgic for what happened this past Tuesday," he says.

"The '90s seem further away psychologically than chronologically," he adds.

Still more quickies

• Via BoingBoing: worship the Eternitiki! The Eternitiki commands you!

• The M is for Magnet. Winner, Largest Understatement Award, 2005: "The hospital plans some staff retraining." -- TV Channel KIRO 7, reporting on a recent incident at Virginia Mason Medical Center, where a metal floor buffer caused $200,000+ in damages to a nearby MRI. The buffer was accidentally left in the vicinity of the MRI and was sucked in by the powerful magnets.

• Alcohol-related fraternity incident: Crow hazing in the headlines again.

Crazy… like a fox.

Just in time for Valentine's Day, The Vermont Teddy Bear Company releases its Crazy for You Bear. Cuddly and fun? Or a tasteless use of marketing "that stigmatizes persons with mental illness"? Regardless, Vermont Teddy Bear company vows that it will not discontinue the bear before Valentine's Day.

It's like rain, on your wedding day

Via boston.com: Presbyterian minister collapses and dies at the pulpit after saying "And when I go to heaven…".

Now if only God would "call home" Oral Roberts.

Obituaries

You probably already heard that Kelly Freas passed away on January 2nd. And the next day, Will Eisner. Each was a great artist who influenced thousands of readers, writers, and illustrators. But did you know about H. David Dalquist, creator of the Bundt pan?

Take a few hours out of your busy day and pay tribute to the men responsible for so many wonderful things. And bake a Tunnel o' Fudge cake. It'll give you something to nosh on while you're reading your old MAD magazines and comic books.

Heh heh. Heh heh.

Best headline ever [Beavis and Butthead category]: Man fined for hiding his salami.

Opus will be so disappointed

More headlines that make you say "Wha…?": Sea lions blamed for failure of charity herring sale.

Quickies

• A must-read for anime fans traveling to Japan: the definitive tour book. The newly-released Cruising the Anime City: An Otaku Guide to Neo Tokyo offers pachinko parlors and cosplay cafes, the Tora no Ana anime and manga superstore, and more. Woot!
• I want my sushi disk. (It would go well with last month's sushi rolls!)
• Even more bees! BEES!
• It's a Wonderful Life in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies
  Posted by rv at 02:30 PM | Comments (0)

BEES! More bees!

I start itching just thinking about this: Dog attacked by 20,000 angry bees (and survives).

Dang.

All good things must come to an end. It was quite an impressive run: over $2.5 million, with an average of $35,000 per game.

Here's to old RPI…

Via BoingBoing, creepy RPI/ NSF/ CIA research devoted to automated monitoring and profiling of the behavior of chat-room users: "We propose a system to be deployed in the background of any chat room as a silent listener for eavesdropping… The proposed system could aid the intelligence community to discover hidden communities and communication patterns in chat rooms without human intervention."

Security measures

Excellent Bruce Schneier essay on "behavioral assessment" profiling… something to think about as you travel over the holidays.

Bees! BEES!

This seems like something out of The Simpsons: shoplifter distracts security with bees, makes clean getaway.

More news of the weird

Who would vandalize cheese (and why)?

"saucy German miniatures"

E.T., Gnome Home: Thieves have stolen scantily clad garden gnomes from a gnome peepshow in an eastern German amusement park. Alas, no pix that I can find!

City of Litigators, Part II

A tip of the pen to Jay, from the Too-Close-to-the-Truth Department: Marvel Sues Makers of Pens, Pencils.

Los Angeles — Soon after its lawsuit against the two companies behind the popular online superhero game City of Heroes, Marvel Enterprises has announced more lawsuits targeted at producers of pens and other writing instruments.

"It's the same principle," Marvel's lawyers explained. "Just as NCSoft's and Cryptic's game, with its excessively customizable character editor, allowed players to create accurate renditions of our trademarks, so too, do pens allow for pictures of our characters to be drawn and keyboards allow the names of our characters to be typed." […]

I haven't seen anyone organizing a letter-writing campaign, but why not start at the top?

Allen Lipson
President and Chief Executive Officer
Marvel Enterprises, Inc.
10 East 40th Street
New York, NY 10016

Calamari gone wild

Giant squid. Giant squid.

City of Litigators

Via Fark.com (under the headline "Asinine"): Marvel suing makers of City of Heroes because they feel players can create characters that are too similar to their copyrighted heroes. Third graders and crayons reported to be next on Marvel's hit list. As usual, PvP gets it.

I'm an adult who plays City of Heroes and buys comic books. While I'm not exactly Marvel's target demographic (what with being a woman), I do buy their products. I go see their movies. Sometimes multiple times. With great power comes great responsibility: the responsibility to not piss off your fans and make them hate you. Lay off the lawsuits and let the fans play their MMORPGs.

In other news, I stayed in my PJs all day yesterday and finally got Freakazette up to level 31. Woo-hoo!

Dare to be stupid

As Dave Barry would say, I swear I am not making this up. Charges dropped in bogus Bush bill case: "Trautwine wasn't aware that the [$200 bill that featured President Bush's picture and the serial number DUBYA4U2001] wasn't actual legal tender, said her attorney, Harry Smail Jr."

I weep for the future of my country.

Political smorgasbord

Alert reader Donna contributes yet another reason why I didn't vote for Bush: his continued ability to ignore facts that don't mesh with his world view.

President Bush is holding fast to his rejection of mandatory curbs on greenhouse gases that are blamed for global warming, despite a new report from 300 scientists in the United States and seven other nations that indicates Arctic temperatures are rising. […]

Critics say Bush's opposition is ironic because the [Kyoto] treaty was modeled after the market-based US program for cutting acid rain created in 1990 by Bush's father and often pointed to by the current administration as a success story.

So, that's one reason. Ashcroft resigned (much to my surprise), but the damage has already been done. I can't believe the steaming pile of crap that is his resignation letter to the Bushmeister:

[…] Corporate integrity has been restored with the work of your Corporate Fraud Task Force. As a result United States markets have reinforced their position as the trusted allocators of the world's capital resources.

Thank you for your leadership which has made these and many other justice-related achievements possible.

The demands of justice are both rewarding and depleting. I take great personal satisfaction in the record which has been developed. The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved. […]

Do you feel like your safety has been secured? Feh. Still, I'm trying not to dwell on it. I'm trying to look on the bright side and get back to my usual routine. (Oh, and if you're not already completely sick of looking at the election results, these maps and cartograms provide a fascinating look at the real data. )

Nov. 11 Quickies

Three cool things:

• My Roomba, although I'm not as attached as these people are.
  
• Being able to laugh at your wardrobe. (Some of these look familiar. Scary.)
  
• Pocky! Happy Pocky Day, everyone!
  

No joy in Mudville

More Bush blather: ''I will need your support and I will work to earn it,'' the president said in an appeal to the 55 million Americans who voted for his Democratic rival. ''We are entering a season of hope,'' he said.

Yeah, a season of hoping that Zeus (or whichever deity you prefer) smites this administration with a big-ass lightning bolt. Or at least a rain of frogs. Or locusts. Locusts would be kinda cool. Or maybe something slimy.

I was surprised to read this: "In Ohio, Kerry won among young adults, but lost in every other age group. One-fourth of Ohio voters identified themselves as born-again Christians and they backed Bush by a 3-to-1 margin." 25% of Ohioans are born-again Christians?! Yikes.

On Sunday night, we watched Ed Wood's masterpiece, Plan 9 from Outer Space. I can't look at the election results without thinking of this line from the film: "Because all you of Earth are idiots."

Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!

Hello Kitty turns 30. The charity auction has some outrageous offerings-- I still want the Airstream trailer.

Hallowe'en Tricks and Treats

• Via BoingBoing, cool Hallowe'en music for your MP3 player (or burn a CD, like we did).
• Why I can never live in the South
• New HomestarRunner toon: Halloween Fairstival

What were they thinking?

Best. Headline. Ever. Hickey recalled fondly by Catholics.

In a nutshell, why I will vote for John Kerry

Xeni Jardin over at BoingBoing has succinctly summed up my thoughts:

[…] For us, the choice for Kerry involves simple things. Justice, liberty, privacy, transparency. Freedom of speech, thought, and technological expression. A woman's right to choose. Equal access to health care, education, and economic opportunity for all. The rule of law, at home and abroad. Peace. The enduring value of the American Constitution.

These are wonderful things. The Bush administration has proven both inability and unwillingness to protect them. In 2004, Kerry is the one. […]

But go read the whole entry-- it's well worth it. Go now.

The week that was.

This protracted silence brought to you by the following:

• a plethora of home projects
• my new job (yay!)
• City of Heroes
• mah jongg night
• community events
• Town Meeting
• a bright yellow S2000

Happily, it seems like we've been getting somewhere with the never-ending list of home improvements/ repairs. The retaining wall is built. The gravel has been shoveled out of the driveway and distributed next to and behind the garage. Chris is fixing the windows. We raked. We swept. We moved shelving. We hauled bricks. I repotted plants. Unfortunately, it doesn't feel like we had a weekend. At least it's (mostly) done.

Just finished my first week at the new job. I keep bumping into former co-workers.

All this has meant precious little time for City of Heroes-- I think I played for less than 4 hours last week.

Speaking of 4 hours of my life that I'll never get back, Town Meeting was its usual mix of the civic-minded, the fervently uninformed, and the just plain whacked. Didn't hear as much this time from the Grandpa Simpson voting bloc, but there's always one or two. At least most of the votes went the way I wanted them to. Ah, the sweet stench of democracy!

Still no S2000. Soon.

Bon appétit!

The Boston Globe ran a more detailed obituary for the wonderful Julia Child. I certainly never knew that she was in the OSS:

[…] Julia Carolyn McWilliams was born Aug. 15, 1912 in Pasadena, Calif., the eldest child of Julia Carolyn "Caro" Weston McWilliams and John McWilliams Jr. In 1934, she graduated from Smith College, where she, by her own admission, had done mediocre work.

Tall, freckled, athletic, and spunky, she had hopes of writing for The New Yorker. She did a brief stint at Coast, a literary magazine in San Francisco in the late '30s. She rejected a marriage proposal from the Times Mirror newspaper heir, Harrison Chandler. Jobs at W.& J. Sloane furniture's advertising and marketing department in New York, then later in Beverly Hills, did not work out. She applied to serve in the Navy WAVES, or Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Services, but was rejected. "I was too long," she told biographer Noel Riley Fitch. Mrs. Child was 6 feet 2 inches tall and wore a size 12A shoe.

Mrs. Child's foreign service career began in 1942 under William "Wild Bill" Donovan, head of the Office of Strategic Services. She volunteered for India, where she met Paul Cushing Child, a man 10 years her senior who was worldly, artistic, and largely self-educated. She did not consider herself much of an intellectual compared to him; all she knew about food was how to eat. Paul Child had lived in Europe, spent a decade with a brainy and beautiful older woman, and considered the 32-year-old file clerk rather naive.

Both were transferred to China, where Paul Child began looking at her differently. As chronicled by her biographer, she had a staff of 10, coded information sent to agents, and took charge of a foot locker filled with opium for paying spies. She could also throw a party together in hours. They married in 1946, in Bucks County, Pa. […]

We'll miss you, Julia.

Julia Child goes to the great kitchen in the sky.

Security Theater

A minor victory: MBTA halts baggage screening (for now).

Stamp Act

You may have already read about how you can create your own stamps. I didn't realize how expensive they were-- a sheet of 20 $0.37 stamps is $16.99 + 2.99 S&H. Yes, you read that correctly-- it's $1 per stamp. But it's almost worth it for these.

Know yer rights

Alert Reader Daniel sends us the latest example of our civil liberties being trampled upon. Thankfully, mephron didn't back down in the face of abject stupidity.

I assume that mephron's run-in happened on the Staten Island Ferry, but that's not to say that it can't happen here in the Cradle of Liberty. If you're riding the T, you may want to keep a copy of the ACLU's Know Your Rights: Stops and Searches on the MBTA in your bag. And the Bill of Rights. The ACLU of Massachusetts can be reached at this number: 617-482-3170 x318.

The difference between cats and dogs

Those Wacky Japanese (#477 in a series): When I read that single women in Japan were buying these pillows, I thought it was amusing. Especially the bit about the "vibrating arm function" (nudge nudge, wink wink). I left the article up on the screen so that Chris could see it. His comment: That's just sad.

I don't live there anymore.

As Dave Barry would say, I am not making this up: Two Charged In Burger King Bathroom Battle in Stratford, CT (my former hometown).

How does one brandish a Burger King straw dispenser?

Quickies!

• Hmm, maybe we won't be riding Top Thrill Dragster next year.
  
• Alien in 30 seconds (and reenacted by bunnies)
  
• More Jeopardy news: Ken Jennings is The Man! $920,960 so far, and still going… (As a former contestant, I just want to state for the record how happy I am that I didn't have to go up against Ken. I can't imagine what the Tournament of Champions is going to be like. On the plus side, if Alex ever decides to retire, I think Sony's got a replacement who's a natural.)
  
• Alert Reader Rock put us on to the upcoming Monty Python musical, Spamalot. David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry, and Hank Azaria— I'm so there. Alas, not in New York City until February 2005. Ni!
  
• Clafouti, clafouti, clafouti. I just like saying clafouti. I don't know what recipe Chris uses, but this one sounds pretty good.
  
• The New York Times Magazine has a fantastic piece on graphic novels/ comix/ sequential art. Or, as Alan Moore puts it, "big expensive comic book[s]". (Registration required: use rv333/ rv333 for member ID/ password.)
  

Geek clique

Maynard's own Geek Boutique receives a mention in the Boston Globe. (I hope that the owner doesn't get slapped with a similar stupid lawsuit from Best Buy/ Geek Squad. Idiots.)

The Geek Squad Inc. of Minneapolis, a unit of retailing giant Best Buy Co., recently filed suit in US District Court in Boston against Geek Housecalls Inc. of Lexington, charging trademark infringement. Both firms provide technical support for home computers. In its complaint, the older Minnesota company claims the Massachusetts company adopted a similar name to capitalize on its established reputation and business.

But Dave Ehlke, the founder of Geek Housecalls with 30 years in the technology, said he and his partner, Andy Trask, adopted the name for two reasons: ‘‘We’re geeks. And we make housecalls.’’

Gnome sweet gnome

I wish that the Gnome Fairy would come visit our house.

Awww…

Via fark.com: Make way for Norwegian ducklings.

Hey you keedz, get offa my lawn

I worry that I will become this woman. (I've never used a shotgun, but have employed a paintball gun, a broom, a super soaker, and various other implements of destruction. I have yet to actually hit one of the furry little rodents.)

I love John Stewart.

Via cluefairy.com: John Stewart's Commencement Address. Yeah, I know it's a little late, but I've been traveling and he's so danged funny. So read it!

[…] But today isn’t about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. I’m honored to be here to congratulate you today. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. […]

Lets talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I… I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it.

Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry. […]

Don't have a cow, man.

Doh, I say.

The Pad Thai that ate Bangkok

Thai and foreign chefs cooked the world's biggest Pad Thai outside a shopping mall in Bangkok on Thursday. I am proud to report that we made the world's 15th biggest Pad Thai last night, in Maynard. In spite of it being the 15th biggest, there aren't a lot of leftovers-- we were hungry.

The World's Biggest Ketchup Bottle (and other really big things) are featured in USA Today.

And I missed it…

Oh, those wacky Brits!

Once again, life imitates The Onion

Salon.com recently (04/27/2004) ran a piece on America's new obsession with teeth-whitening. But they missed the scoop-- The Onion ran this article months ago.

This just in…

Alert reader Jen informs us of this breaking news story: Naked gnome cover-up. I loved the quote from the policewoman-- "It is an offense to display something that is insulting or likely to cause distress. Although some people view the gnomes as a bit of harmless fun, we have to take complaints from members of the public seriously."

Classy

It's good to see that the New York Post is displaying its usual standards of journalistic sensitivity regarding the torture of the Iraqi prisoners. Today's headline: LEASH GAL SEX PICS

Riding on a train

So, I took the Acela to New York today. Things that I saw from the train:

• Birds. Lots and lots of birds. I was mostly reading my spiff new XML book, but I also found myself gazing out the window at times. I saw swans, egrets, a red-winged blackbird, a cormorant, and lots of other feathered fauna.
• An amusing sign on a coffee shop in New London: Mugz: Where the coffee is $1 and the optimism is free
• Spookiest-sounding health care provider ever: Connecticut VNA, an Affiliate of Masonicare
• In New York: a sign advertising an Eyebrow Salon. WTF?

Putting the "anal" in business analyst

I am tremendously pleased to announce that I have a new career! Starting on Tuesday, I will be gainfully employed. (Yay!) I have to go to New York and get some training in Documentum 5, but will soon be working as a Business Analyst with a small consulting firm in Nashua, NH. Further bulletins as events warrant…

Who writes these headlines?

Via little. yellow. different: heh heh. heh heh.
Via daypop: what a great mental image.

Whoops.

I'm sure that there's a Gary Larson cartoon in this somewhere.